


Coping

by Musewriter777



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist
Genre: Comfort, Coping, F/M, Flashbacks, Implied Love, Loss, PTSD, Royai - Freeform, helping of feels, side of Ed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-30
Updated: 2014-12-30
Packaged: 2018-03-04 08:10:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3029141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Musewriter777/pseuds/Musewriter777
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Roy can't sleep; he keeps reliving what happens at Ishval whenever he closes his eyes. He goes to the roof of his apartment complex to try to clear his head when the right person comes along to help him get through the night. Song is not mine; here's the link to the actual song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FfAEMal84ag</p>
            </blockquote>





	Coping

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first completed fanfic ever.....about time, I'd say. Please feel free to comment on this. I feel like I could've elaborated more on some parts, but you guys let me know what you think. This fanfic is also on fanfiction.net along with my other fics (which I'm still working on). Feel free to check those out here: https://www.fanfiction.net/u/4951713/Shiika777.

     Explosions echoed all through the air, harmonizing with the petrified screams of those quickly approaching death. Fear and despair were the only emotions those people knew in those days. It was war. Their enemies were relentless and cruel, arguably heartless machines of their country.

     He had already taken many lives, but it never got any easier. The faces of those people in their last moments, their pleads for mercy, their blood-curdling screams as they were incinerated before his eyes, the fires caused by his own hands…

 

     He woke up with a jolt, breathing heavily, sweating all over, and frantically looking around the room- wait, he was in his room. He was no longer on the battlefield, but rather safe in his own room in his own bed. He let out a deep sigh, then ran a hand down his face. He slowly got out of bed and changed into something he could wear outside. It was pointless to sleep at this point, even attempting to do so wouldn’t do him any good. He often wondered what it would be like to not sleep only so he wouldn’t have to relive those images while resting; even if he didn’t sleep, however, he was haunted occasionally throughout the day by that war. He couldn’t escape his past; he was screwed either way.

     The war in Ishval had taken its toll on many of the soldiers there who didn’t understand why they had to annihilate an entire race, and Colonel Roy Mustang was one of those soldiers. It was times like that when he hated being a state alchemist. He joined the military hoping to change Amestris for the better with his alchemy, but he had realized all too quickly that his dreams were naïve and childish. His master tried to talk him out of his decision, but he joined anyway. This was one of the many nights he had that made him regret ever putting on the state uniform.

     It was around 1am when those flashbacks disturbed his rest. The night was quiet; the moon and the stars shone brightly. In a way, the peacefulness of the night seemed to mock the chaos in his head. After changing, Mustang left his room and walked out to the roof of his apartment complex, slowly making his way over to the edge. He grabbed hold of the railing with both hands and slouched over it, sighing heavily. He was exhausted, but his frequent flashbacks were making it impossible for him to sleep. Having PTSD wasn’t something he was particularly fond of.

     A cool, gentle breeze ruffled his hair. He felt odd; he had been called a monster and a weapon, but on nights like these, he couldn’t have felt more broken, more lost, more human than anything else. He wasn’t a fan of wallowing in self-pity, but it was hard not to do so at times like this. He was just following orders in that war, but the price he paid to do so was too high.

 

     He needed someone to vent to, someone he could trust, but his usual go-to person was now six-feet under.

 

     “How did you get through it, Maes?” Roy whispered. “I know you told me back in Ishval that you would swallow everything you did there, but how could you? Did Gracia ever know? How’d you keep the smile on no matter what? How?? I know I can’t; I’m barely holding on as it is…” His voice began to crack as he fought the tears that were threatening to spill over his eyes. “What do I do, Maes?”  
     “Colonel?” a familiar voice snapped him out of his thoughts. He quickly turned his head and saw his Lieutenant, Riza Hawkeye, standing there, a mixture of confusion and concern written on her face.  
     “Oh, it’s you, Lieutenant. What are you doing up at this time of night?”  
     “I could ask you the same question, Sir.”  
     “So you’re not even gonna answer me first?” He asked with a forced smirk, trying to mask whatever emotions he was displaying earlier. For some reason, sometimes he found it easy, necessary even, to hide his true feelings from Hawkeye, but he never knew why that was the case.  
Hawkeye sighed, knowing that Roy was teasing her (well, attempting to, anyway). “I couldn’t sleep,” she replied as she walked over to him.  
     “Same here,” he replied, smirk fading as he turned back to face forward. Hawkeye had walked over to and now stood beside him, studying his face from the side.  
     “You look like you’ve had a rough night. Everything alright?” she said, voice laced with concern.  
     He sighed, knowing that he couldn’t really hide anything from her. “Can’t get Ishval out of my head, even when I sleep,” he replied quietly.  
     She nodded curtly and faced forward. “I understand,” she replied.  
     “Is that the same reason why you’re up?”  
     “Yes, only I never went to sleep in the first place. Can’t even close my eyes when I get flashbacks like that.”  
     “Didn’t know you got them, too.”  
     “I’d be surprised if I met someone who didn’t.” She sighed again, then continued, “I still don’t see the point of that war.”  
     “There wasn’t any,” he interjected. “The only excuse we were given was that they were a threat to our national security, but is still doesn’t make sense. If they were a threat due to the size of their population, then we should’ve only provided extra security at the border, taken out a few of them if things got out of hand. If they had weapons of mass destruction, then I could see a reason for some bloodshed, but none of that was the case. None of them really should have been murdered, and certainly not all of them.”  
     “So you think there were other motives behind it?”  
     “If there were, then I have no idea what they are. Could be tied into what Hughes was looking at, though…”  
     “You think so?”  
     “Yea. The order to exterminate the Ishvalans came from the higher-ups, just like the orders not to let me continue investigating Hughes’ murder. Something’s going on with the chain of command, and I don’t like it.”  
     “So how do you plan on finding out?”  
     He sighed, “Unfortunately, I haven’t got a clue where to start looking yet, and I never will if I stay this exhausted.”  
     Riza hummed in agreement. They stood in silence for a while, staring across the rooftops before she spoke again, “Have you ever tried taking a walk, Colonel?”  
     He scoffed, “Yea. Plenty of times; doesn’t help much.”  
     “Then what does?”  
     “Nothing that would help now,” he said, his voice quieter than it had been.  
     “Why not?”  
     “Because, I used to be able to go to Hughes about this, but he’s not exactly here anymore…” he said as he bowed his head while trying to keep his voice steady.  
     “Oh…I’m sorry, Sir…” she responded softly while watching him.  
     Another long silent moment passed between them before Mustang spoke, “So what about you? How do you cope with all of this?” he said, turning his head lazily to look her in the face.  
     “Usually I just push it to the back of my mind. When it gets to be too much, then I go for a walk. Usually Black Hayate won’t let me get to that point, however.”  
     He chuckled slightly, “I can imagine.”  
     She smiled briefly, but it faded almost as quickly as it came. Her look became serious when she spoke again, “Do you ever regret putting on the uniform to begin with?”  
     Roy thought about his answer for a moment. “Some days, only because of what I’ve had to do. You?”  
     “I guess the same would go for me. I actually considered retiring after Ishval.”  
     “Really?” Mustang asked, surprised. “Why are you still here then?”  
     “My job’s not done yet,” she replied matter-of-factly.  
     “And what job would that be?” he asked, cocking an eyebrow.  
     “Helping you become Fuhrer, and whatever else you need me for. Plus, you need someone to watch your back...and to help you get all that paperwork that you keep putting off done.”  
     He chuckled softly, “True. I guess you’re right.” Another brief paused passed between the two as Mustang considered his next question. “You heading back soon?”  
     “I’m not sure yet. Why?”  
     “What would you do if you don’t?”  
     “Probably talk a walk myself. It’s a nice night for it. Why?”  
     “Mind if I join you?”  
     “I thought you said walks never helped you,” she replied skeptically.  
     “They don’t,” he replied with a shrug of his shoulders as he shoved his hands into his pockets. “My mind wanders too much for them to really work I guess, but I think this time might be different; you’re pretty good at keeping me focused on what’s important, after all.” His facial expression grew softer as he said that last sentence; a small smile even formed on his face as he looked down at her.  
     Hawkeye just looked up at him, considering his offer. She didn’t think she’d be much help to him, but he seemed to think otherwise. Plus, she never really passed up an opportunity to be with the Colonel, especially alone. “Alright,” she replied. “Any place in particular you wish to go?”  
     He shook his head. “Not really. Doesn’t that defeat the purpose anyway?”  
     “I guess you’re right.”  
     Mustang then turned gestured with his arm, “Lead the way then.”  
     “Aren’t I supposed to be following you, Sir?” she asked with an amused tone in her voice. She still obeyed and walked ahead of him, however.  
     He smiled back, “Not this time. Besides, no one’s around to notice this anyway. We don’t have to be so formal right now.”  
     “If you say so, Colonel,” she responded. Mustang simply smiled and shook his head. She’s too strict for her own good sometimes, he mused as he followed her down the steps to the main floor and out of the apartment complex.  
     They walked a few blocks west of the hotel, engaging in idle chat occasionally. They were mostly silent, appreciating the quiet of the city as well as each other’s company. It was a comfortable silence; they knew each other well enough to understand when they should and shouldn’t speak, and they liked it that way.  
     They had already walked about three blocks when they heard faint mumbling coming from somewhere above them. They looked around before finally catching the source of the noise on a rooftop to their right; it was Edward Elrich, sitting near the edge of the roof with one leg propped up and an arm resting on it. He was staring across the rooftops and talking to himself, unaware of Mustang and Hawkeye’s presence below him. They could just barely make out what he was saying.  
     “Well, mom, I made it in the military,” he said, sounding a bit remorseful. “Al and I are still looking for the stone so we can get our original bodies back, and we’re not stopping until that happens. I was… just having a rough night. I remember I used to always look for you whenever I had a nightmare or something like that. I never wanted Al to know; I never wanted him to see me afraid, mainly because I didn’t want him to be. I was supposed to protect him. I’ve learned now that we have to protect each other, though. Even still, I’d rather him not see this. It’s bad enough he doesn’t sleep anymore; I don’t need to give him anything else to think about during the night…” He rested his forehead against his arm and sighed deeply.  
     The colonel and the lieutenant just stood there and stared. They didn’t dare disturb him, knowing all too well that he would hide his pain just so they wouldn’t have to see him like that. They listened a bit more closely to Ed when they heard other sounds coming from him. It sounded like he was…humming. He was. “Oh yea,” Ed started, looking up at the sky and smiling. “How could I forget to tell you? Al and I made up a song a while back, before I had my automail limbs. Well, not together, I should say. He didn’t know I caught him one night singing it out on Granny’s porch. It’s the tune of that lullaby you used to always hum to us whenever we’d fall asleep. I guess that helps him remember you more. I came up with another part sometime after that. I’m sure you can guess which one we each came up with…” His smile became sadder the longer he spoke. He swallowed to hold back the tears stinging his eyes, then began singing softly,

  
 _How can I repay you, brother mine?_  
 _How can I expect you to forgive?_  
 _Clinging to the past, I shed our blood_  
 _And shattered your chance to live._  
 _Though I knew the laws, I paid no heed._  
 _How can I return your wasted breath?_  
 _What I did not know has cost you dear_  
 _For there is no cure for death._

_Beautiful mother, soft and sweet,_  
 _Once you were gone we were not complete._  
 _Back through the years we reached for you-_  
 _Alas, t’was not meant to be!_  
 _And how can I make amends_  
 _For all that I took from you?_  
 _I lead you with hopeless dreams;_  
 _My brother I was a fool._

_Don’t cry for the past now, brother mine._  
 _Neither you nor I are free from blame._  
 _Nothing can erase the things we did_  
 _For the path we took was the same._

_Beautiful mother, soft and sweet,_  
 _Once you were gone we were not complete._  
 _Back through the years we reached for you-_  
 _Alas, t’was not meant to be!_  
 _My dreams made me blind and mute._  
 _I longed to return to that time._  
 _I followed without a word;_  
 _My brother the fault is mine._

_So where do we go from here_  
 _And how to forget and forgive?_  
 _What’s gone is forever lost;_  
 _Now all we can do is live…_

“Well, I guess that last bit could be both of us, huh Mom?” Ed whispered, already starting to break down. He leaned his head forward again and began sobbing quietly.  
     After a few more minutes of watching in silence, Mustang turned and walked away with his head bowed. Riza then turned and followed, but not without giving Ed another look. When she finally caught up to Roy, he whispered, “So that kid’s an impressive alchemist and a singer?” He scoffed lightly, “What next?”  
     “Colonel?” was all Riza said, but her tone implied that she wanted to know if he was ok.  
     “Back in Ishval, I thought I had actually seen it, hell I mean. All of those people in agony and fear, I thought that was the worst anyone could ever see. But those boys have seen it, too. It’s hard enough to remember that they’re kids now, but they were even younger when they lost their mother, and then tried to bring her back…I can’t imagine what that must’ve been like, even after what we’ve seen…”  
     “I can’t either, and they’re so young, much younger than we were in Ishval,” Riza replied.  
     Roy chuckled darkly, “Makes you wonder if life’s even worth living sometimes, doesn’t it?”  
     “Sir?” she asked, slightly alarmed.  
     “With all the blood we have on our hands, seems like death is the only suitable reward for our actions,” he explained, voice slightly harsher than normal. “No, even the word ‘reward’ sounds too praiseworthy, and there’s nothing worth praising about what happened back then.”  
     Now Riza was really concerned. “Just what exactly are you saying, Colonel?”  
     “I’m just thinking out loud, Hawkeye; don’t worry,” he replied softer than last time. “I told you my mind wanders a lot.”  
     “How am I not supposed to worry when you make statements like that?”  
     Roy raised his head then, his gaze focused in front of him. “Because I don’t see death as the only option. As fitting as it seems, there is another way to, at least, try to atone for our mistakes…well, for mine anyway. It’s selfish, but I can’t exactly speak for everyone else.”  
     “And that’s where your plan to be Fuhrer comes in?”  
     “Yes. This country needs to change for the better. No more blood needs to be unnecessarily shed, and we ‘war heroes’ need to answer for what we’ve done. Maybe then I’ll be able to sleep at night.”  
     “And how do you know you’ll be sleeping after all that happens?”  
     “I don’t, or, in a way, I may be sleeping eternally, but at least I’ll die knowing that things are starting to head in the right direction.”  
     A tenderness was present in Hawkeye’s response, “I’m glad that this part of you hasn’t changed at least.”  
     “And what part would that be?” he asked, eyes focusing on her now.  
     “The part that still cares for his fellow man and his country, the part that wants things to change for the better.”  
     “Sounds like two parts to me,” he said with a smirk.  
     Riza eyed him sideways, but couldn’t fight the grin forming on her face. He always had a habit of making a situation somewhat lighter, even if he was the cause of killing the mood to begin with. “You know what I mean, Colonel.”  
     He smiled again. “I know, but I’m sure I’m not the only one with this dream.”  
     “No, probably not, but you’re the first I’ve seen actually acting on it.”  
     He considered her response for a moment. “I guess you may be right there.”  
     Hawkeye had begun walking back down a road that would lead them back to their apartment complex. He recognized the way and realized that he would only have about ten more minutes with her, fifteen at most. “Sorry I kind of soured the mood with that talk,” he said, hoping that the conversation could be lighter for the rest of the walk.  
     “I’m pretty sure the mood was already sour to begin with, sir,” Hawkeye responded, slightly amused.  
     “Good point. You were right, though; it really is a beautiful night for a walk.”  
     She hummed in response. Roy spoke up again after another brief pause. “Hawkeye?”  
     “Yes?”  
     “If you hadn’t joined the military, what would you do with your life?”  
     Now it was her turn to think before responding. After a few seconds, she replied, “I don’t really know. I try not to think about what-ifs and could-have-beens. It’ll just distract me from what I need to do.”  
     “Sounds like what you do when you pull the trigger.”  
     “It’s exactly like that. I aim, judge the distance and wind, and fire. I don’t have time to think about anything else. I keep my eyes forward, and that’s it.”  
     “Hmm. Interesting.”  
     “What about you, Sir?”  
     “I guess I haven’t considered any other option either, but if I had to choose, I’d probably just use my alchemy to help out as a civilian.”  
     “Does that include your flame alchemy?”  
     “If the situation would call for it, then yes.”  
     “Is that all you’d do?”  
     “No. I’d probably settle down, have a wife and child like Hughes did.”  
     Riza cocked an eyebrow at that. “Really?”  
     “Possibly. You sound as if that can’t even be a possibility, though.”  
     “It’s just hard to imagine you settling down. You’re always on the move, with women and other aspects of your life.”  
     “Have you been keeping tabs on me or something?”  
     “I am your assistant; I have to keep up with you in some respects.”  
     “True.” She did it again; she put up a wall when the subject of Mustang’s love life came up. He hated when she did that because he couldn’t get through to her after that. Whatever closeness they had just shared was cut off in an instant, and it hurt him more than he cared to admit. He tried to get her to lighten up again, “You know, you don’t have to be so stoic all the time. You can let your guard down every once in a while.”  
      _Idiot_ , she thought. _He really has no idea does he?_ She sighed, knowing that she couldn’t admit her feelings for him anyhow, their relationship being officer and subordinate. “I know. It’s just something I try not to do very often.”  
     He knew that there was something she wasn’t explicitly telling him; then again, when it came to her feelings, she was never really direct. Her emotions were like water behind a dam; every now and then some feelings would leak out, but there were other, rarer times in which the dam would break; even after that, though, it would soon be up again as if it hadn’t broken in the first place. He was curious to know what would happen if the dam were gone permanently, but he knew that was too much to ask for. Maybe one day, when she was ready, she would tell him. For now, he’d play the idiot, pretending not to have a clue what was going on. Still, he tried to urge her on a bit, “I know things have been crazy lately, but you’ve known me for a few years now. You know you can trust me.”  
     She sighed, “I know, Sir. Things have just been…complicated since we first met.”  
      _So that’s it_. “I see. Sorry for pressing the issue.” He knew she couldn’t tell him then. She may never fully tell him what was on her mind, but at least now he knew why.  
     “It’s fine,” she replied. They were nearing the complex then; only two blocks more blocks to go. The silence was heavier now, and they both realized it. Hawkeye knew that she had shut down again and felt slightly guilty for it; she just didn’t want her feelings to damage the relationship that they had. She tried to think of something to say, anything to end the walk on a pleasant note, but nothing came to mind. Much to her relief, a loud yawn from the colonel provided an easy subject change. “Getting tired?” she asked.  
     “Yea, surprisingly,” he said sleepily. “Can’t believe this actually worked.”  
     Hawkeye decided that maybe, this one time, it was ok to let her guard down a bit. “Maybe you were right and just needed the right person to walk with,” she replied softly as she smiled. He looked at her then. _So she’s dropping hints now? Interesting_ , he thought. She continued, “I know Hughes was the right person for you, and I’m not trying to replace him or anything; I know I can’t, but-”  
     He stopped walking and gently grabbed her elbow. A small gasp escaped her mouth as she looked up at her superior; he was looking down at her with a fond, appreciative smile on his face. “I know,” he started. “It’s fine. Besides, Hughes and I never went anywhere when we talked about stuff like this, so maybe you are the right person to walk with.”  
     She returned his fond smile then. “Thank you, Colonel.”  
     “No, thank you, Lieutenant,” he responded as he released her and continued walking, she quickly falling in step with him as she followed. “I owe you for this.”  
     She shook her head. “You really don’t, Sir.”  
     “You know me better than that, Hawkeye. You should know that I want to repay you for this.”  
     “This walk wasn’t just for you, you know. It actually helped me get a few things off my mind as well. If anything, I feel like I should be thanking you for this.”  
     Roy huffed out a laugh, “It appears we have an issue then.”  
     “It would seem so.”  
     “Well, there is one way you could pay me back.”  
     “Who said anything about paying you back?”  
     “Ouch, Hawkeye.” He feigned being offended while she giggled quietly in response. “At least humor me a little?”  
     “Alright. What did you have in mind?”  
     “Take a vacation.”  
     Not exactly what she expected, but then again there wasn’t really any way to know exactly what he would say half the time. “What?”  
     “You’ve been working too much lately. Everyone needs a break every once in a while, even you.”  
     “I have to make sure you stay on track, Sir.”  
     He shook his head. “That’s the problem: you don’t focus on yourself enough. I’m grateful for you and everything that you do, but I want you to focus on yourself for once.”  
     Grateful for me and what I do? Why the distinction between the two? She wondered briefly. “I don’t know, Sir. Anything can happen while I’m gone.”  
     “What if I promise to be in one piece when you get back, and to even have my work done as a bonus?”  
     “All of it?” she said as she looked at him with a playfully curious expression.  
     “Well, most of it,” he admitted with a shrug of his shoulders. “I’m not a miracle worker.”  
     She chuckled lightly. “Alright. I’ll think about it then.”  
     “I guess I can accept that.”  
     “Now is it my turn to ask something of you?”  
     “Sure. Ask away.”  
     “I ask that you never give up on your dream of becoming Fuhrer. This world needs more men like you.”  
     “Well I don’t know if more people like me are needed, and certainly not in this world. One of me in Amestris is bad enough, don’t you think?”  
     “Maybe in some respects," she teased. "But really, Colonel, too many people are complacent with this country when they know it needs to change. You’ve got the drive and the heart among other things to make it happen. Promise me you won’t give up on that.”  
      _Among other things, huh?_ He was surprised at just how much she was saying without really saying much. Maybe this would be their relationship for the rest of their lives. Unless one of them retired from the military- which wasn’t gonna happen unless they were seriously injured- their feelings would be conveyed through witty banter and occasional flirting. It wasn’t ideal, but they understood each other and were content to keep things as they were. As turbulent as things had gotten recently, they couldn’t afford to complicate their relationship anyway. They were just glad that they had each other in a sense, and Roy was thankful for the “hawk’s eyes” that were watching over him. Along with atoning for his sins in Ishval, he wanted to do right by her as well, and he was determined to make that happen. “You know you don’t have to make me promise that. I know I question myself at times, but me becoming Fuhrer is out of the question. I just hope you’ll be by my side for the whole journey, if you’re up to it, that is.”  
     She turned to face him this time, “You know I’ll follow you until my dying day, Sir; you don’t even have to ask.”  
     He smirked, “I had a feeling you’d say that, but it’s still good to hear it. Thanks again for tonight; it meant a lot.”  
      _So he does know_. “You’re welcome, Colonel, and thank you. It meant a lot to me as well.”  
     A minute later they were back at their building. Silence had fallen between them yet again, but it was the comfortable silence that they preferred. They had managed to end their walk on a good note, and neither wanted them wanted to spoil it with more words.  
     Roy walked Riza back to her room. She wanted to tell him that he didn’t need to walk her back, but she knew he was a gentleman and didn’t mind. Plus, she got to be in his presence a little longer. When they reached her door, Riza got her key out of her bag and unlocked the door while Roy stood watching her. He knew that he didn’t have to be there, but he wanted to be. He wanted to protect her, to make her feel as safe as he felt around her. Although he couldn’t explicitly tell her, he hoped that she knew just how much it meant to him to have spent the night together, even if it wasn’t under the best circumstances. It reminded him of a time shortly after her father died when he walked her home from a tavern late at night; she didn’t like to stay at home much during that time, and one night after walking around her hometown, she stopped in a tavern just to rest her legs and feet when some older guys began hitting on her. Annoyed but also concerned for her safety, she called Mustang and asked him to walk her home. She wasn’t as tough back then, but she had always been able to handle her own. Like tonight, that night hadn’t been particularly pleasant either, but there was something comforting about her presence that he couldn’t explain. She always seemed to be his anchor when his thoughts would get lost in the tempests of his mind. She never showed much emotion, but when she did, it was obvious to tell what she was thinking. He appreciated that about her. She was both simple and complex, but she was definitely a great counterbalance for him. He couldn’t imagine his life without her, and he had a feeling that she felt the same way.  
     After Hawkeye had unlocked her door and stepped inside, she turned to find Roy lost in his thoughts again. “Colonel?” She said, snapping him back to reality.  
     “Huh? Oh sorry. Just a bit of déjà vu.”  
     “How so?”  
     “Reminds me of when I walked you home that night back in your hometown.”  
     “Which night was that?”  
     “The night you went to the tavern. I was in town for a few days. You called me and asked me to walk you home because some men had been harassing you.”  
     “Oh yes…I remember that…” Roy didn’t want to say much more than that since that event happened shortly after her father died; he didn’t want to bring up any depressing memories, although he felt like he had. If he did, however, Riza didn’t show it. A sad smile formed on her face as she leaned on the door frame. “Things seemed a lot simpler back then, didn’t they?”  
     “They did, but then we entered the real world and saw it for what it really was.” Roy glanced off to the side reminiscing; Hawkeye took this moment to glance up at him. He stood the same way as he did that night a few years ago, only now he was taller, more muscular, and had broader shoulders. His eyes still held the same focus, determination, and even softness that they had back then. Just the sight of him seemed to take her back to the days before she put on the uniform. She smiled fondly at the sight, but tried to hide it when Roy turned back to look at her. Something in his eyes told her that he’d caught her, though.  
     “Well, I’ll go ahead and head back then,” Roy said finally. “Call me if you need anything.” Now they both had déjà vu; those were the exact words he said to her that night years ago.  
     “I will. Same to you. Goodnight, Roy.” Riza gasped quietly after realizing what she called him. He was shocked, too, but didn’t mind it that much; he missed being on a first-name basis with her. He only smiled at her slip-up, “Goodnight…Riza,” he replied, barely above a whisper. He then turned and walked back to his own room. She watched him until he was out of sight, then she shut her own door and leaned against it. A sleepy Black Hayate came shuffling up to her. She smiled as she bent down to pet him. “Sorry, boy. Mommy had to go for another walk tonight, but don’t worry. For once, I wasn’t alone.” She looked back at her door, already missing the colonel’s presence more than she thought she would.

 

     Roy had made it back to his room and quickly changed back into his pajamas. He was sitting on his bed and staring at a photo of him and Hughes from their academy days. To him, it summarized their relationship perfectly: Hughes had his arm around Roy’s shoulders with a ridiculously large grin on his face, whereas Roy was squashed against his side, looking both annoyed and amused by the whole situation. He smiled fondly at the picture. “I may not be able to swallow everything like you, Maes, but I finally understand why you smiled so much for Gracia and Elicia. You had to keep them strong so that they wouldn’t worry too much. Guess I’ve been doing a pretty bad job at that, huh?”  
He laid the picture down on his nightstand before lying down himself, putting an arm beneath his head as he got comfortable. The night was still peaceful; the moonlight flooded his room as he turned to look up at the stars. He thought about Riza, figuring that she’d either be asleep right now or worrying about him. Probably both he figured, doing the latter before the former. He thought of how he couldn’t have picked a better assistant and partner, although he wished that they could be more somehow. Whatever their relationship, however, he knew that they couldn’t live without each other, so he took comfort in the fact that, in a way, they would always be together. “You were right, Maes,” Roy whispered. “You really can do anything as long as you’ve got something, or someone, to live for,” and with that, he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.


End file.
